执子之手,将子拖走: Grabbing Your Hand, Dragging you Away Chapter 46

期待中的王子美女公园的景色.jpg

Chapter Forty-Six

Side Chapter: Past Life

Hello everyone, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

I am An Ran. (smiles)

Apologies, perhaps my opening line is a little tacky, but please forgive my rigidness and boringness, just because, as someone who is about to lose their life, I really don’t have the pleasure to come up with something that starts off with a beautiful bang.

I just want to quietly, dully, narrate my life, regardless of the happiness, anger, sorrow, joy.

The friends that are willing to listen may brew a cup of hot tea, slowly feel the warmth that the tea brings to you, then, quietly listen to the story that belongs to me.

Let us start now then.

I already said I’m called An Ran, twenty-six years old this year, is the general manager’s secretary of a global car company, personality is the same as the majority of twenty-six year old women, I have an ordinary family, also have a boyfriend of three years.

I shall talk about my family first.

My family is classed as the very common fairly well-off, my parents have a pair of daughters, me and my sister, who is a year younger than me.

From my memory of childhood, our family was not very wealthy, my parents had worked all year round, hence having no time to take care of me, the daughter that was born against their plans. They would entrust me to my grandparents’ place to be looked after, and I would spend the entire day playing on the emerald green grass or small countryside roads with children from the countryside. Amongst the group of children, I was considered a little boss, leading them to naughtily cause mischief, one bad mood and I would order people around –– look at this, such a little bully.

The above have brought me memories full of laughter and cheers from acting recklessly.

This is the most pure, most valuable, childhood in my life, just that one cannot return to those times after it had past, taking away those blissful laughter and innocence, only leaving me the vague feeling of melancholy when I occasionally recall those times.

The amount of times I saw my parents in childhood, is not much, every year, would pretty much only meet once at new year. I would always hide behind the elders as I secretly eye up those two unfamiliar, yet familiar adults, and then timidly smile at them. I would also see that sister of mine that’s a year younger, unlike my tanned skin and stubborn monkey-like personality, she had a fair white face and a quiet personality, my buddies would always say she’s an angel ––– that’s right, in my eyes, she is an angel.

At the age of seven, I left Grandma’s place and headed to the city, living together with Dad, Mum, and also Sister, and in the following days, I feel like I’m a pitiful child, extremely lonely.

My dad like to hold Sister on his lap and listen to her act spoilt, listen to her soft voice tell him the interesting matters that happened in school, listen to her furrow her brows and express her anger at him.

–––but he would never hold me, would never say more than five sentences to me.

My mum likes to nag at Sister, clear pampering carried within her tone of lecturing, lightly patting her little hand and say: “Be like that again next time and I’ll throw you away!”

–––but she would never tenderly ‘lecture’ me like that, she would only furrow her brows in disgust when I accidentally break something, and then blame my grandmother.

I don’t like such a life, really don’t like it.

I started rebelling, started to also look at them with disgust, started to learn to not speak a single word to them for a month, back then, I felt I was so strong ––– look, even without your doting love, I am also very strong.

The only one who was on good terms with me at home is Sister, she would sweetly smile at me, would occasionally argue with me, would sleep under the same blanket with me, she is the consolation to my heart, even though I would sometimes angrily think, why are they only nice to her?

I can be jealous, can be unsettled, can be angry, I am only a normal person.

During the long-term war with my parents, I had unknowingly grown up, raised to junior high, passed the high school exam, went to university. Amongst this, I went through many different experiences, regarding love, friendship, and discouraging family relations.

I fell down many times, climbed back up many times, then continued to fall and climb up again ––– life is just like this, a repetitive cycle of failure and success.

I left home and started working, only going back to see them once every few years, then one particular time, I see my parents’ exhausted faces after two years, I suddenly realise I have grown up.

I’ve grown up, I would take a good look at their gradually aging faces, would feel pained by the sight of their whitening hair, would feel warmth from the happy smile they reveal, would try to slowly forget the unpleasant past……

My interaction with them gradually increases, they still dote on Sister much more, would reveal the tone and behaviour from back then when I stay a little longer, but I think to myself, this isn’t important, I think to myself, I’ve already grown up, I understand they love me too, just that they don’t love me as much.

I care about the occasional warmth, I’m very satisfied, because this is my family.

Sister has also grown up, a tall figure and beautiful face, as well as a reserved personality. Sister would reveal the mischievous side of hers that no one else sees in front of me, I feel very proud. This is my younger sister, the closest of relations flows in our blood.

We are sisters, sisters that had made an oath to continue loving one another to the end.

Alright, already finished talking about my family now, the following will be about my love life.

During my time of budding youth, I of course had romantic affection towards boys, also went through short periods of dating. Thinking back to it now, it seems that I was dating in order to not be single, dating in order to tell others I have a boyfriend, the love back then was so shallow and unreal, causing me to become hesitant to date later on ––– I find it very uninteresting, very boring, very meaningless.

But at the age of twenty-three, I still took a step forward, I fell in love with my boss.

That’s right, my boyfriend is the manager, I am his secretary. After a year of interaction, the manager and manager’s secretary that has the highest level of romantic ambiguity had also set foot on the most common path ––– the hare eats the grass around its burrow, and then under everyone’s optimistic or not-so-optimistic eyes, they happily start dating, until the third year.

That year’s early spring is still ever so comfortable and pleasant, we met one another’s parents and decided to get married on May Day, we were preparing to establish a perfect home and then give birth to an adorable baby for accompaniment, just that life had already become a drama, happiness cannot belong to me, it will always be an illusion of mine.

I had once again fainted.

Fainted whilst taking beautiful wedding pictures, I originally thought it was just fainting from exhaustion, but after a health check, I received a news that came like a thunderbolt.

The doctor says, it’s blood cancer.

Ha, that’s absurd, what did he say? Blood cancer? Cancer? How funny, such terminal illness that has nothing to do with normal people within their eight lifetimes, how did it come out in me? Please do not joke around with me!

But what does his words mean? He said this is a terminal illness, he said this is already the advanced stage of cancer, he lectures me on why I haven’t been paying attention to my own body, he says the young people nowadays has no health awareness.

He said, should you not receive treatment, your days……will only last half a year.

But Doctor, I really want to ask you, by accepting the treatment, how much longer do I get?

I’m only twenty-six years old, I’m preparing to marry my boyfriend, I had just started planning for a baby, I’m about to start a happy life of this lifetime……

I just want to live on happily, can I……not even have this?

I start to fear, manic and afraid of death, my parents’ faces of sorrow and despair, An Qing’s swelled up eyes, the look of denial carried in the pitying eyes of Yan You’s parents……

I would uncontrollably grab onto Yan You’s arms and cry endlessly, mouth repeating: Yan You, I don’t want to die.

Yan You did not give up the me like this, he would gently caress my face, would firmly tell me: wait until you get better, and we will get married.

I receive energy from this moment, at least I still have him. My lover said: he would wait for me to get better and then get married.

And so, I agreed to accept treatment, leaving the black long hair that had once come down to my waist, to fall off, leaving myself to quickly become pale and thin, leaving myself to become a humble patient struggling for life in the hospital room. A very subtle light is flashing within me, I think to myself, perhaps the heavens will give me a miracle, I would continue to live on healthily, for those that love me.

But which one of them will tell me, exactly who truly loves me?

Who?

Even if……there’s just one.

That day, I was lying in bed, quietly reading a book, the nurse making rounds, casually asks me with a smile: “An Ran, does your sister have boyfriend now?”

I raise my head from the book, An Qing has a boyfriend? I’ve never heard her mention this ah. Or is she no longer talking to me about her troubles because I’ve been lying in the sickbed for four months? I also smile as I say: “Is that so ah, how do you know?”

“I just ran into your sister at the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, I casually asked the obstetrics and gynaecology doctor, the doctor said your sister is already two months pregnant, congrats, congrats ah.”

Pregnant? An Qing is two months pregnant?

“En, will have to treat you to wedding candy when the time comes.” I say without a change of expression, in fact, huge waves had already set off in my heart.

A lot of emotions rolling around in my heart, anger, impatience, fluster and pain. Why would An Qing be pregnant? Has she told Mum and Dad she’s dating someone? What kind of a person is her boyfriend? Would he treat her well in future?

I fretfully throw the book to a side, I’ll have to ask An Qing when she comes, exactly what is going on here?!

After I see An Qing, I don’t hold back at all in asking about my doubts, An Qing is shocked at first, then saddens, after that, she kneels down before me.

“An Ran, I’m pregnant, I, I really love this child, I also love its father, An Ran, I will give birth to it.”

“What about the child’s father then, what is he prepared to do?” I calmly ask.

“He?” An Qing’s expression is thoroughly at a loss, yet after a moment, she firmly says: “He will marry me.”

I look at the sister who has always been incredibly close to me since young, asking with complicated emotions: “Does he love you?”

Dejection flashes past An Qing’s face, “Love? Perhaps not. But An Ran, I have a lot of time with him, I would make him slowly fall in love with me.” Her eyes contains tears as she looks at me and asks: “He will love me, isn’t that right? An Ran, I love him so much, we will be together for a long long time, we will become husband and wife, we would accompany each other till old……”

I don’t know why I feel so pained, reaching out to embrace her, saying: “That’s right ah, he will love you, An Qing is such a lovable brat, will be very happy, very happy.”

An Qing hugs me back, very tightly, tight to the point my heart was starting to hurt.

I thought that was because our sisterly love runs deep.

My days in the hospital continues, by my side I have Yan You, have An Qing, have Mum and Dad, have what I myself, thought was doting love. If that day, An Qing didn’t tell me the truth, if, if……

In this world, where are there so many ifs.

At that time, my vision had already started to blur, I was incapable of clearly seeing the slight interactions between people, I was just like a blind person with open eyes, watching the lively lovers escape from right under my eyes.

That day, there was a nice breeze and beautiful sunshine, the doctor tells me, my health has been taking a turn for the good recently, should this continue, the situation would make a great turn for the better.

That day, there was no cloud in sight, my only sister – An Qing – kneels before me and word by word says: “An Ran, Mum and Dad told me not to tell you, but I still decided to tell you. I’ll be getting married tomorrow, to Yan You.”

“An Ran, Yan You and I are together.”

“The matter between him and I……perhaps you can guess, he got drunk, mistaking me for you, and then I got pregnant……”

“An Ran, I don’t expect to receive your blessing, I just want to tell you, you are my older sister, I love you.”

I remember fiercely slapping her, gritting my teeth as I say: “Get lost.”

I watch her back figure, feeling like my heart had been pierced by a knife, flesh and blood badly mutilated.

I wanted to ask why, but the words wouldn’t come out.

Alright, with the above, my story has come to an end.

Thank you all for listening to me, right now, I am on my way to their wedding, I took advantage of the moment the nurses weren’t paying attention to slip out, I want to go and see the wedding I dreamt of, even if the bride isn’t me.

I already changed out of my patient outfit, sneakily moving along amongst the guests, hiding in the shadows as I watch the elated parents from both sides, watch the slightly gloomy groom and bashful bride.

I watch the host bring laughter with eloquence, watch the onlookers congratulate and applaud, watch the new couple accept other people’s blessings.

I watch them take out the rings, vowing to one another:

“I do.”

My mouth is filled with the strong taste of blood, I want nothing more than to dig my nails deeply into my own flesh, how could I possibly give my blessing, I hate them so much, hate the people I had once thought loved me.

Amongst the liveliness, I seem to hear the sound of broken strings, so clear, so cutting.

I have stood for far too long, too tired to stand anymore.

I hear the guests crying out “someone fainted”, I see everyone’s line of sight gather on me, I see An Qing and my parents’ surprised and fearful expression, I see heart-piercing pain on Yan You’s handsome and reserved face……

I think my tears are falling.

I’m in so much pain.

But I know I will no longer be in pain anymore.

I will no longer be An Ran, never ever will be again, nor am I willing to be.



Quick update to get this over with, it’s so depressing… T^T

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37 thoughts on “执子之手,将子拖走: Grabbing Your Hand, Dragging you Away Chapter 46

  1. I knew it!!! That bitch😊😊 An Ran is soooo nice 😂😂 seriously, if I were going to die, they really think they are getting a happy ending? I’m taking the both of you with me(just the sister, maybe). I would have sneaked out of the hospital and kill them.

    Thanks for translating❤️❤️ Thx for the double chapters x

    Liked by 5 people

  2. That’s so awful… so awful!!! The little sister is completely awful, but Yan You and her parents are awful too. I sincerely hope that bad karma found them… I hope the author will give us a chapter telling us what happened after An Ran died… I need it to calm down my soul aaaaaarrrrgggghh

    Liked by 6 people

  3. “The matter between him and I……perhaps you can guess, he got drunk, mistaking me for you, and then I got pregnant……” As f#ck that it happens nowadays! You only get pregnant if you want! She was definitely circling him awaiting for an opportunity to pounce on the handsome and rich brother-in-law of hers! Just like that little sister of that consort in the previews chapter! That little bitch!

    And everything happened once again, the father that only doted on that other daughter and shamed her. The one that kept saying he loved her is marrying her sister. Her sister that would probably say sorry to her before the marriage. Urgh!!!!!!

    If she could just be done with that country of hers! Argh!!!
    She better of staying in another country and never go back! Let everyone go to hell!

    Liked by 7 people

  4. Her life’s is so unfair in the past and even when she reincarnates…nobody truly loves her. If I was in her place I would spit on that slut sister’s face and the so called cheating fiancé. Aish, makes me so frustrated and mad

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Ouch this was so painful to read. Poor Ah Ran has never had someone love her faithfully in either life. Her sister and her lover’s betrayal was such a bitter pill to swallow. Even her family sucked. I can see why she kills her emotions so she won’t be hurt again. Is there anyone out there who will love her earnestly?? She deserves someone who can love her wholeheartedly and heal the scars.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. thats messed up!just mesep up!
    Woah her last life is fudging sad…
    is there something wrong with their heads???? marrying the lil sis of the ill bride ?
    How are these two going to explain this to their children in the future?

    Liked by 4 people

  7. That’s messed up.. Do we get any more POVs of this? Kinda curious how much is scheming and how much is a genuine mistake (although if we’re reading by context, it’s probably all scheming since her sister already took everything of hers from a young age.)

    Probably got even worse when she’s emotionally scarred to the point of breaking down, and got transmigrated into a royal family of all things, all that scheming really doesn’t invoke feelings of familial love.

    I’m glad she got pampered by someone at least growing up again…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, that’s why when YWR tried to kill her she gave up D:
      He let her live at that moment not because he liked/loved her but because she looked at the past and wasn’t seeing him, but he wanted to be seen, be loved and be an important person to someone which is why he didn’t kill her (because he wasn’t on her eyes) and consequently it developed in an obsession for her and with years also came to lust for her.
      If it wasn’t for that incident he would probably be a lady’s man or if she looked at him she would probably have died and he would even push the fault on the guy he killed coming out as a good guy avenging his dear cousin D=

      Liked by 3 people

      1. True, that’s probably why he got interested to begin with, but i’m hoping that the interest from back then has turned into an actual want/need to be in her eyes. As per what he said in chapter…. 38.

        It sounds like what he’s saying in threatening on the surface. but at the same time, what I feel is that he wants to be acknowledged by her as well, … or well, he’d just kill her judging by the rest of his attitude.

        Regardless of the reason, at least she got some pampering. … Even if it is accompanied with a great deal of fear. >_>;

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh my goodness… Heart break. The older ones are always suppose to yield to the younger siblings’ wishes. But this is too MUCH! Like, omg. But at least she got back at them, by dying on their wedding day…. For the rest of their lives, their wedding anniversary would be her death anniversary. *shaking my head*
    Many thanks.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. A really bad idea to read this when you are already stress with school work thinking that you’ll receive a funny chapters to lighten the mood only to read a very depressing one.

    Her parents are so disappointing to not even care about the older one which is An Ran when they were the one who gave birth to her and even made her grow up in the country side. They blame her grandma when the blame lies in them and now they go and look at her with disgust while pampering the young? Are they even qualified as parents? I find them so disappointing to the max. An Qin in the other hand I don’t really feel disgusted and angry towards her cuz in the end she still admitted her mistakes to Ah Lan even though her parents said no. I’m assuming that her parents are the ones who forced her younger sister to marry Yan You. Younger sister is actually a really nice person but still lost against her emotions when it comes against Yan You. So all in all I don’t really blame her but that doesn’t mean I’m in her side. I’ll just to treat her lukewarm since karma will come back to her.

    Now this is the full story of Ah LAN’s past life and reluctance to trust people. To love people and open up. Cuz once she does that and gets hurt again then her heart would not be able to bear it anymore. The guys around her are all sh*ts That Just uses her disadvantage of being a woman since it’s in ancient times. I just hope that YWR will be able to live up to her tiny trust that she has open up for him.

    Thanks for the chapter~~~ *jumps in a hole and cries*

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I want you to consider something before you decided that the sister is a “nice person.” She slept with a drunk man who thought she was someone else. She never said she was drunk. She knew what she was doing. She raped him. Taking advantage of someone who doesn’t know what is going on is rape. She says she loves him, but that is not love or respect. Then take into account that this is the one her sister loves and is going to marry. All in all, a very ugly, evil thing to do.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. That’s true and I agree with that but you can see that she later confessed to Ah Lan which seems alright but it only looks like she fan the fire and spread it. So she does have the share of blame with more than 50% of it for her. Yan You also should be blamed since he got himself drunk and was in the same room accidentally with her but since his drunk he can’t really help it.

        Like

  10. I feel like this life as An Ran is a major reason why Ah Lan is the way she is. Numbing herself not just to survive in the palace, but to these feelings from her past life that parallel Yuwen Rui’s acceptance of her Imperial Father’s post death imperial decree… Someone who dotes on you so much, taken away be a single act… hmm….ಹ_ಹ Thanks for the update!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. The younger sister is really trash. She used her older sister’s love and took something that will never really be hers. I hope the husband NEVER forgives her! Plus I really doubt she is capable of loving anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh, Ah Ran…😢 but having experienced something similar in real life. It gets better with time. 😊 And you can smile when you see the niece of your heart smiling at you. Besides, you’ll look so much younger than them. Hihihihi😆(huuuuuuuuuuuuuug) Thanks for translating! This chapter just creeped me out a little because it was like seeing my life on paper. (O_o) wierd…

    Like

    1. I’m so sorry to hear you experienced something similar, but I’m glad to hear you’re slowly getting past that 🙂
      And yeh I can imagine that it would feel rather strange and somewhat unsettling to see your own experiences in a novel

      Like

  13. Previously, I was a bit annoyed with Ah Lan’s indifference toward YWR. Now I have to eat my words and I have to say lucky Ah Lan that she doesn’t fall in love with him because otherwise the history will repeat itself. It hurts me terribly to see her being betrayed like this.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Her past as An Ran damn hurts😢😢😢

    She gave everything. Grew up without love and when she finds her soon-to-be husband, he was drunk➡mistaken her sister as her➡baby➡DIE BITCH DIE!!!!

    Her story is really painful, her next life was practically the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The fact that she betrayed her sister is horrible enough…and then….
    “Love? Perhaps not. But An Ran, I have a lot of time with him, I would make him slowly fall in love with me.” Her eyes contains tears as she looks at me and asks: “He will love me, isn’t that right? An Ran, I love him so much, we will be together for a long long time, we will become husband and wife, we would accompany each other till old……”

    An Qing, those are the cruelest words I’ve ever heard being told to a terminal patient. You are the one who deserves to die and suffer as you want to hope on to the hope you can survive as you endure the pain, only to be thoroughly hurt this way! Her parents are to blame too!

    Poor An Ran… Her past life was not easy, and her second life is surroinded by super flawed men who are so conceited! Not ONE of them seems to genuinely care about her feelings or tries to figure out why she insists on not caring for love; they all just force her to submit!

    Liked by 1 person

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