(translated by xia0xiao1mei)
(edited by anniaxx)
Unfortunately, It’s Not Me
Staying in town for over ten days, Pang Wan would always change into men’s attire and head down to the little inn to listen to some storytelling.
Although the Jade Dragon Token is important, allowing a female shut-in who spent sixteen years of her life in the mountains to understand the customs of the common people, is also very important. Since Sect Leader has given her two years’ time, then she has the right to divide these two years into four parts —— the first three parts are to be spent on accomplishing her pursuit for romance, the final part is to be spent on bringing down Gu Xi Ju.
As to whether the mission can be smoothly accomplished? We’ll see! Besides, in the world of Mary Sue, all will go well as long as the female protagonist is leading the path.
Listening to the storytelling for half a month, Pang Wan pretty much understands the current situation within the Wu Lin, like which sect and which sect gets along, which sect and which sect are sworn enemies, who holds wealth, who holds power, who is romantically involved with who, and so on.
To her, all this information, which bits are of use, which bits are not of use, she temporarily cannot tell, and can only absorb everything into her brain first, just like a sponge.
Amongst the stories told by the storyteller, there is one that she is in particularly interested in, always eagerly waiting to hear more every time, that is the complications of love-hate feelings between the Supreme Chief of Wu Lin, Gu Xi Ju, and the famous Jiangnan courtesan Xing Xiang Zi. Just like all typical Mary Sue female supporting characters, the famous courtesan Xing Xiang Zi is crazily in love with Gu Xi Ju, time and time again she professes her love, refusing to marry anyone other than him, and throughout all this, this Gu Xi Ji remained like a revered god sat high above all, not moved by the beauty in the slightest.
The Gu Xi Ju spoken in the words of the storyteller, is but a character of impeccably untainted honourability, one whose martial arts has attained the highest level of formidability.
This Gu Xi Ju, sure has the qualities to be leading male huh.
Such high position, has so many infatuated yet beautiful fans, definitely not your ordinary passer-by; plus he isn’t affected by the opposite sex, maintaining his jade-like chastity, is this not precisely used to highlight the female lead’s attractiveness and charms? How much of a classic Mary Sue cliché this is ah.
This is what Pang Wan thinks, after having listened to an entire series of sixteen gossip episodes about the two people.
And so in her mind, she had started to neglect the fact that she needs to bring down this Supreme Chief of Wu Lin, and is instead fantasising herself descending from the sky like the world’s last hero, rescuing the male lead from some sort of incomprehensible tragic moment —— if say, Gu Xi Ju’s heart is a stubborn lock, then she, Pang Wan is for sure the only key that can unlock it~~~~ (Please allow the author to throw up first)
Numerous days after this, Pang Wan thinks about this as she walks, thinks about this as she sits, thinks about this as she eats, thinks about this as she sleeps. Within her ongoing imaginations, Gu Xi Ju’s image had actually been magically pumped up. In her mind, Gu Xi Ju seems to be a stunningly beautiful youth dressed in white robes, clean and elegant like bamboo, the two meet under the peach blossom tree as both reach out their hands, under the cherry blossoms do they get to know one another, amongst the tree peonies (aka mudan flowers) do they fall in love, the plot is very intricate, the scenes extremely romantic.
Today, as she was fantasising how a third party shows up in her and Gu Xi Ju’s relationship, whilst walking, someone suddenly bumps into her.
“Blind brat, actually dare to block your grandfather’s path!”
A rough and husky voice curses from behind her.
Pang Wan glances back, it’s a burly fellow with his face tattooed, hand holding a bronze shield.
“Sissy! What you looking at?”
The burly man upon seeing her stare, raises the shield to greet her head.
The very moment the words were spoken, her eyes see the shield swing over, Pang Wan smoothly rolls onto the ground, then pats her butt before climbing up again.
“How could you randomly hit people?!” She glares at the burly man before her, red rising on her otherwise grey and dreary little face.
“So what if I hit you? I can even kill you!” That big fellow instead laughs out loud, “Look at your bear-like appearance, just like a Rabbit God!”
(In China, bears are generally seen as slow witted, often bullied by smaller animals, thus being seen as dumb and useless. Whilst rabbits are seen as weak and little, pretty creatures that needs protection, Rabbit God or Lord Rabbit in this context actually means a male prostitute for other men. On a side note, the term Rabbit God or Tu’er Ye 兔儿爷 could also refer to the Moon Rabbit, companion of the Moon Goddess Chang’e)
Looking at this from a rational point of view, Pang Wan is in her male getup right now, her skin still milky, her figure slender, indeed looking quite androgynous.
The burly man’s hurling insults are loud and clear, gradually attracting a crowd to gather around.
Pang Wan bites her bottom lip, she’s not happy, very unhappy.
On one hand, the other person is unreasonably causing a scene, on the other hand, she was just getting into the key plot of Gu Xi Ju kicking the third party aside and swearing to the heavens that he loves only her, to actually be disrupted by these two guys, such a killjoy!
When Sheng Gu is greatly angered, the consequences are very serious, and so from her fingers, two red needles silently appears.
In the eyes of the audience, all that can be seen is the young male viciously glaring at the burly man, not throwing back any insults nor making any refutes, only turning around and heading straight off. Everyone had thought the show was over, causing a huge ruckus only to have them scatter like birds and beasts, no one noticed that after the youth was a hundred paces away, that burly man had suddenly fallen in a corner of the alley, foaming at the mouth as he has a seizure.
Having spent six years in an unorthodox sect, escaping Nan Yi’s murder attempts for six years, Pang Wan’s time was not spent sitting and eating as she awaits her death. Although this is still far from being “unrivalled in martial arts” as Sect Leader desires, she still acquired quite a number of skills and abilities. For example, the martial arts she is most adept in is using the whip, and what she loves to use most is this set of Blazing Needles —— as fine as ox hair, shoots out at an incredibly quick speed. Blazing Needles also have a special feature, it will melt away after coming in contact with the human body, the dissolved needle thus covers up the wound, automatically concealing its trace, such is a true example of “killing without a trace”.
Although the burly man with tattooed face has such an abominable attitude, his sin was not bad enough to die for, so Pang Wan had only used the Blazing Needles to prick two of his numbing acupoints, she had thought that the entire action had been executed without detection.
But did not know that after she had far gone, someone had silently dropped by the burly man’s side to investigate his injury, mouth gently sounding a “heh~”
Pang Wan having dealt with the tattooed face man, joyfully heads towards the little inn.
The tales of Gu Xi Ju has already ended, starting today, the storyteller will begin a series about the Solitary Palace Master’s fragrant filled deeds (fragrant refers to ladies, the term refers to his womanising deeds).
This Solitary Palace Master, is pretty mysterious by the sounds of it, it is said that from a young age, he had earned the fame of giving into sensual pleasures, clearly sat with countless beauties in his arms, yet insists on naming his own place of residence “solitary”. Different from the righteous sects and Bai Yue Sect, Solitary Palace comes under the classification of third-party forces, excellent at secret intelligence and mechanism, not leaning towards anyone, no one within the Jiang Hu dares to even lightly offend them, the Palace Master freely comes and goes alone, his whereabouts remains a mystery, just like a noble and prideful orchid in an empty valley, piercingly chilly on its own.
Somewhere amongst all this, Pang Wan feels that this Solitary Palace Master will definitely become entangled with her as well —— such a potential lover like venomous snake, a paradox of good and evil, is this not also a basic requirement in a Mary Sue story? Passing by millions of flowers, but remains devoted to the female lead only, this scenario is ranked within the top three most popular plotline in the land of Mary Sue!
“They say the very moment that Meng Hai Tang sees Palace Master, she only feels her eyes instantly brighten, a wonderful sight of a gracefully moving gentleman with jade-like face……”
The storyteller enthusiastically speaks on the platform, below the platform, Pang Wan sits with her cheek resting in hand as she chuckles —— who the hell is Meng Hai Tang? Like she even cares! She only remembers, Palace Master is a “gracefully moving gentleman with jade-like face”. Since the Gu Xi Ju in her imagination just now had his heart swayed, she decides to temporarily forget about that unfaithful man (Gu Xi Ju is thus instructed to get lost), allow her to study the male lead potential in the Solitary Palace Master first, before anymore is to be said.
“……only hearing Meng Hai Tang delicately shout out: ‘I shall go and bring back the head of that demoness right now!’ But sees the disciple hook up a smile: ‘Our Bai Yue Sheng Gu has not even reached sixteen years of age when she had taken down the heads of three hundred people, her dear life, is it something you people of the central plains are capable of taking?’”
Abruptly hearing the four words of “Bai Yue Sheng Gu”, Pang Wan feels a shiver run up, awakening her from her imaginations filled with fluttering charms.
Not sure if it is deliberate or not, the storyteller pauses right in this moment, and fuming curses immediately sounds from all around.
“Curse that demoness! Such hefty words!”
“What’s so impressive about killing three hundred people? Bullying the weak doesn’t make you capable!”
“Should she dare to come to the central plains, watch me pull out her tendons and shed her skin!”
“Nothing more than a barbaric bitch serving Zuo Huai An, what makes her worthy of the Sheng title (Sheng 圣 – holy) ? She sure has the nerve to flatter herself!” 
“Demoness of the unorthodox sect, everyone should put her to death!”
Pang Wan listens on without a sound, the cold sweat had already soaked through the back of her inner layers.
Although she was more or less mentally prepared for this, she never thought that her reputation is actually this bad, already reaching the extent of being like mice on the streets, cursed and hunted by all.
Seeing that everyone’s heated emotions seems to have all been let out, the storyteller finally signals for silence with both hands pressing down, words marking a change of subject: “Speaking of this Bai Yue Sheng Gu ah, it is inevitable that we also mention our Wu Lin’s true Sheng Nü (female saint or holy woman) —— Fairy Sang Chan! In this world, other than her who is endowed with both talents and beauty, noble and pure in character, just like a white lotus flower lady, who else is able to live up to the ‘Sheng’ title?”
Upon hearing the two words “Sang Chan”, many members of the audience falls into a daze, one after another, displaying an expression of loving admiration and longing.
“……Supreme Chief of Wu Lin maintaining his jade-like chastity for her, Master of the Solitary Palace falling into dejection for her, even the Ninth Prince is reserving his Princess Consort position for her! The entire Wu Lin is betting, amongst these outstandingly elite men, who is to win her heart in the end?!” The storyteller moves his head around as he speaks, acting very pleased with himself, seeming to have completely sunken into the charms of this heroine’s peerless elegance and talents, “Ah~! Our Fairy Sang Chan! She is so perfect, so outstanding, who will have the fortune to be her fated one, to remain by her side to the end?”
A sound of pu~, the ba bao tea came spraying out from Pang Wan’s mouth.
At this point, everyone was still intoxicated in the magnificence of Fairy Sang Chan, no one even noticed her at all.
And so Pang Wan takes out her handkerchief and silently cleans her mouth, her expression showing such depression of facing the world’s end, as though what she had spat out was not tea, and is instead the fresh blood coming from her heart.
It’s over, no need to hope for the Palace Master, no need to even think about Gu Xi Ju either, the firm belief that all the pretty men loves her, has completely shattered now. Having gone through Nan Yi’s change of heart, and the heavy blow of Gu Xi Ju and Solitary Palace Master abandoning her for another, Pang Wan’s warm pink heart had turned so cold so cold —— I am not the female lead, Sang Chan is the true female lead, look at her gaining three great classic male leads all on her own, and is even able to have such beautiful reputation circulating as well?
“……she, is the new moon in the sky; she, is the morning dew in the mountains; she, is the white lotus flower in the water……” The storyteller is still singing his praises about Sang Chan’s peerless elegance.
Pang Wan sits on the chair, silently listening on, her chest rising and falling.
——giving up just like this, willingly becoming a supporting female, and marry a faceless supporting male till death do us part?
——no! Definitely not!
The blood of female nobility boiling within, the excessively confident and prideful Mary Sue genes in the body roaring out its cries.
She looks towards that storyteller, currently waving his arms and prancing around in joy. Her brows knits together, mind filled with brilliant schemes.
 Female shut-in or zhái nǚ / 宅女in Chinese, can also be said to be the Chinese version of female otakus, the Chinese term literally translates to house-girl.
 Romance or love is often referred to as táo huā / 桃花 in Chinese, it literally means peach blossoms.
 Grandfather or yé yé / 爷爷; in Chinese, people sometimes use family terms to degrade others in arguments. Calling yourself the grandparent of someone who is actually not your grandchild is an insult to the other person, because you are placing him or her in a lower generation.
A family name that I tend hear most often is gū nǎi nai / 姑奶奶 as in great-aunt, your paternal grandfather’s sister. And yes, whilst these terms are used as curses and such, in a reversed situation in which you are calling someone unrelated to you grandfather or great-aunt is also a way to make yourself humble, this is often used when begging the person for mercy.
 The original term used for enthusiastically speaking is tuò mò héng fēi / 唾沫横飞 the literal translations is a little disgusting but it gets meaning across – [speaking] with saliva spitting out.
 To flatter oneself or to give all credit to oneself is liǎn shàng tiē jīn / 脸上贴金 in Chinese, literally translates to sticking gold to [one’s own] face. It can be said to be the Chinese equivalent of the English’s to blow one’s own trumpet.
 Ba Bao Tea, bā bǎo chá / 八宝茶 or eight treasure tea is a tea, also considered herbal medicine, that’s really good for healthy skin and body. The ingredients includes dried chrysanthemum flowers, goji berries, longans, red dates, green tea, ginseng, rock Sugar, liquorice root.
 The original term for abandoning her for another was actually pípá bié bào / 琵琶别抱 which funnily enough, is a term used to refer to women rather than men. The term comes from a classic play called Tale of the Pipa, created in the Ming Dynasty, it tells of a loyal wife who went searching for her husband, whilst playing the pipa to make a living (see http://www.npm.gov.tw/english/exhbition/eban1005/main12.htm for full story). The translation for the term is something along the lines of letting go of the pipa, meaning that if the wife in this story had let go of her pipa, it is no different to abandoning her husband. The term was originally used to refer to women who had abandoned their husbands to remarry but nowadays it can also be used to refer unfaithful women in general.
Hello!! XXM here! 😀 So Annie had already posted up a chapter for this week — Congratulations to Annie for her first translation post!!! — Do leave her lots and lots of comments of support and appreciation, she’s doing such a wonderful job and also making things so much more easier for me hahaha. And it’s thanks to having Annie here, that we have come to a new decision, I know you guys will really love this one hehe 😛 …we are aware that the chapters for JHRIC are pretty short, especially for my readers who are used to the heck of a long chapter updates that was CCB. So…! Annie and I have decided to take turns to translate and post up the chapters, which means~~ JHRIC will be getting updates twice a week!! Yayy! 😀 Hopefully this will help satisfy your reading urges a litte more 😉
Anyways~~ back to the story…wow Wan Wan sure is set on wanting to go down the matriarch 女尊 route huh? To actually act like the man of the *ahem* imaginary *ahem* relationship(s) …letting go of the pipa hahahaha
But I must say, Wan Wan really isn’t as useless as she was previously made out to be, when it comes to martial arts that is. And I can definitely see a lot, and I mean a lot, of Jin Yong influences in this novel, even with Pang Wan’s martial arts, she went from Xiao Long Nu 小龙女 with her white silk to Dong Fang Bu Bai 东方不败 with her Blazing Needles here. Now we just need to see, how good she is with using the whip, which she claims to be most adept in…will she really be showing us some girl power?? Hehe
What are your thoughts on the story so far?